Cord's Corner: Tricks and Treats

The problem with this blog is I find my friends and family are reading it too much and getting on me about not posting! It's good to have the motivation to get it done and stay on top of it but it's turning in to work and something I actually think about and stress out about. Ugh.

When I forget to do a weekly update and have to go back 2 weeks I'm in trouble. I end up looking at my calendar to see what I did. That's not a good thing. I might just have to start randomly posting throughout the week to remember all the good stories.

I turned 34! That was cool I feel like I did when I was 22 but when I hear "34" it just doesn't seem to fit. I'm kind of getting beyond the age where I can think of myself as cool...and the college crowd would definitely not mistake me for one of their friends. A few years ago I thought it was something a little hair transplant could fix but now I'm finding it's going to take some serious sculpted liposuction and days on a laser hair removal table to get the hair off my shoulders and back. If we can get a man on the moon, why on earth (pun intended) can't we find a pill to take the hair off my ass and put it on my head? Seriously. So my wife just walked in and said how she loves the fact that I'm writing about hair on my butt. I'm too open for some people I suppose. Oh well. Fuck them if they don't have a sense of humor. Wait....this is supposed to be a family blog. Earmuffs Tatum and Tinsley! Daddy's saying potty words.

So the birthday's over and we've on to cooler and more exciting things. I feel like the last 2 weeks have been consumed with one thing...Halloween! My favorite "non-religious" holiday of the year. I love dressing up and seeing what others come up with. But with kids, it's become even better. Tinsley was easy since she's not moving around much...she had one cute little outfit. Tatum on the other hand had 6. Her social calendar was filled with Halloween at School, at the country club, the neighborhood party...you name it. And God forbid we wear the same costume to those events. My favorite was her Monkey suit. She had a Princess outfit, a ladybug, french fries (which she wore Halloween night). She was well covered...literally.

This was the first year she seems to be "getting it"...she liked seeing other costumes and liked putting on hers. I can't wait for the day when she wants to go to the mall in July in her monkey costume. If I have one of those gorilla outfits for adults, I'll wear it along side her. You can't help but love the imagination and care free attitude of an innocent kid. All they want to do is laugh and play. That's all I want to do. Sadly, the IRS has me chained to my desk and is about to start garnishing my wages...so I don't laugh as much. Anyway... we had a blast taking her all over town and sporting her outfits. She was quite the hit every where we went.

I was hell bent on taking her trick or treating on Halloween night but kids started coming to our house super early. I kept trying to make time and I finally gave in when I saw how much fun she was having handing out candy. She and her cousin had the best time dumping out all the candy and rolling over all of it on the floor. I'm sorry for the kids that got smashed candy...but it sure was fun to watch. I was excited about handing out candy this year because I decided that we were handing out REAL candy bars...none of this bite size crap. I went to Costco and bought over 120 real candy bars...and let me tell 'ya....if you want to make friends with all the kids in the 'hood, follow my lead. We were a hit. That's our new ritual every year so if you want to really score big with your kids, bring 'em over here and bang on my door next year.

We had some drama in the family this week. I was out running around and my phone kept ringing and ringing. It was the same number that I didn't recognize calling on the "rapid fire" deal but I wouldn't give in. I knew it was some realtor that wanted something and I was too wrapped up doing important things like putting together my costume. I called my office to get a photo googled to make sure I was doing my costume right and the girl that answered the phone said "did your wife get a hold of you, something about locking the keys in the car." I called the number back that was war dialing me and it was the answering machine for Tatum's school. I put two and two together and figured out that my wife locked the keys AND her cell in the car. I decided to take the high road and head over to save her. When I pulled in the parking lot (20 mins later) I saw her car flanked by 2 fire trucks. I started to get a little nervous. Thankfully everything was okay...but what I didn't know, and nobody told me, was that Tatum locked herself in the car, strapped in her car seat and dropped the car keys. Anne did an awesome job keeping it together and thankfully it was a mild day and not too hot outside. The fire dept. scratched the crap out of the inside and outside of her car using some professional grade wire hanger but all it did was beat up the car and didn't help unlock anything. After 45 mins they finally pulled out an axe and busted out the driver's window. Tatum wasn't scared and was playing with Anne through the car window the whole time...what a brave little solider she is. Thankfully nobody got hurt...except the car. I called the insurance company and said "I need to see if a fire dept breaking a window to save a child locked inside the car is on our policy...if it's not, I need to report someone breaking in my wife's car." The lady got a kick out of it and luckily for all of us, we're insured for such occurrences.

Okay, okay...shut up and show us the pictures. I know. Here you go. This is Tatum at Bee-lay. I love it.

Doesn't it look like she's going to a red carpet celebrity event here? But NO...she's on her way to dance class. The girl has a sense of style, eh?

Here she's practicing her turns before class. Just like her Dad...always studying and practicing!

She's thinking of what to do next. She thinks with her tongue. If it's out, she's thinking...

A few push ups to work the upper body. She's big in to core strength.

ALWAYS stretch the hamstrings...very important to remember as you age.

I played in a golf tournament 2 weeks ago. It was for the Young Men's Business League. We won the thing last year and had to go back to defend title. Last year I had the genius idea that we should all wear knickers and really look like jack asses. It worked, we did look the part. Anyway...this year we relived the dream only when me and my bud Jonny showed up our other 2 knicker partners one upped us and were in full regalia caddy outfits! It was hysterical....they even had our names on their backs. Priceless. As we were walking to the club house some douche bag uttered under his breath "what arrogant ass bring their own caddy to this tournament?" The thing that sucked about this is that my name was on his back...so people that didn't know we were joking thought I was really a prick. Again...you know my "f them for no sense of humor motto..." It was a great day. The icing on the cake...we won...again! It was actually a tie and we went in to a score card playoff and we schooled 'em. Now I've got 2 first place trophies in my office....yippee!

There were a few appropriately dressed beer cart girls too...I assure you it was THEM that wanted their picture with ME! 34 and still living' large.

Last Sunday was our neighbor's 30th annual pumpkin carving contest. We were first invited 3 years ago and I showed up with my pumpkin and my knife. They start the clock and give you one hour to do whatever you can do. As soon as the whistle was blown I looked around and see people with ear plugs and chainsaws, everyone has a power drill, there are outrageous props being brought in, hammers, jigsaws...you name it. I quickly learned I was in WAY over my head. There was nothing I could do about it that year but I learned and had time to prepare for it next time. Last year I placed 4th (or so they told me)...they give prizes for the top 3. It's my destiny in life to make it to the top 3 just once...then I'm going to quit and just walk around and watch everyone else carve, which is what the more well heeled folks do at this thing anyway. This year I thought up a little political idea and did what you see below. This is a HUGE democratic crowd and needless to say, I found myself out of the top 3 yet again. Anyway...I thought it was a damn good effort.

A "Dick Hunt"...like a Duck Hunt. Get it? Notice Cheney with the shotgun shooting the donkey and the donkey brains (pumpkin insides with fake blood mixed in) running out!? This was AWESOME! Apparently I was the only one that thought so. Next year I'm buying a damn chain saw and taking home a prize.

Saturday night was the annual Robinson Ranch Halloween Party. Aside from the parties we throw, this is my favorite of the year. They have the best setting, the best music and hands down the best costumes. I'm not telling you who we are, you've got to figure it out for yourself. Here's a few pics from the Saturday night party...